Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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