I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
