awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
