Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love having hate sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
