I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want to fling myself into the sun
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
