I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Two words: nipple clamps
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