I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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