On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
