I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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