i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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