i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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