so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is my gift to your gina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
