Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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