so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
tonight lets celebrate not being married
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
