I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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