Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
