her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
