Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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