i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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