you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
