I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
