Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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