I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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