girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
