Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
