I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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