im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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