6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A bitchslap is in order.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
