I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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