my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
