maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
