note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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