He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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