I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
