seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
