man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
