my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
