I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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