is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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