My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
