so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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