Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
