Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
