your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
