wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
