just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize