No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why do cheetos always look like penises
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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