Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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