Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
