it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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