HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
