I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
