I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think your dad took our porno
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize