It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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