haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
