ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
