She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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