I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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