I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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