I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
