the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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