I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
