I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
