just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
