We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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